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Counterfeit Coyne

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Biology 101, University of Chicago


Ladies and Gentlemen! Step right up!

Not since Alexander the Seer has there been a crystal ball reader as spectacularly self-assured as Darwin Professer Jerry Coyne. Once the University of Chicago was home to scholarly skeptics who demanded evidence and logic in the development of ideas. You probably have heard of the Manhattan Project. But such time-consuming enterprise has been overcome at last by the new science of Coyne Gazing. Today, as he demonstrates on his website, Darwin Professer Coyne not only can project his prejudices back into the fossil record, he can project them into the future, too.

Yes, thanks to conjuring skills he acquired in years of training in the mystical arts, Professer Coyne replaces the need of actual reading with a patented cranial canniness that enables him in an instant to know books that have not even been published yet. And, furthermore, to review them! My friends, you see revealed in your presence the first certifiable 21st century clairvoyant!

And it is all one hundred and three percent "Scientific"!

Stand back now, while stage smoke fills the room, and observe Darwin Professer Coyne examining Darwin's Doubt by Dr. Stephen C. Meyer, slated for publication next June. What withering analytical prowess, what textual legerdemain, what death-defying denunciation of the "(formerly) reputable publisher" who is going to publish the book! Is this not the apex, the perfection, the ne plus ultra of the scholarship standards now reposing in America's ivied cloisters? Does it not with nostalgia evoke the sulfuric odors of the Index of Prohibited Books?

Oh, yes, my friends, you probably would spend $50,000, $60,000, yes, even $70,000 a year to send your son or daughter to a university where someone like the Clairvoyant Coyne preaches. Your young squire or miss might then have the chance to leap right over the old-fashioned obstacles of study that once made learning so laborious and instead plop themselves right into the caftan-covered arms of the all-knowing, all-seeing, all-telling Darwin Professer Coyne.

Ah, but for a short time only, you can read it all here, absolutely free, and without any obligation or restriction on your tremulous imagination. How could it be any cheaper? Step right this way and see science evolve before your very eyes.

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You can email brucechapman@discovery.org

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